Saturday, November 14, 2015

A Gentle Reminder

Who am I?

Who am I? by happilyintended on Polyvore

I'm about a week into my 30 Day 'Dressing Your Truth' challenge, and I'm having some mixed emotions. About half the time I look in the mirror, I think, 'Wow! I look so pretty!', and the other half of the time I think, 'I look so girly...'

Growing up, 'girly' wasn't a good thing. (This wasn't instilled in me in my home, btw, but it was the attitude of the other kids at school.) There was only girly in the sense of, 'You throw like a girl.' Expressing a soft and feminine style was for the weak and superficial. Other girls would judge you, and boys thought you were high-maintenance. I started playing soccer in large part because the cool girls seemed to be doing it, and I was tired of being ridiculed for being slow and unathletic. The only time it was acceptable to look pretty would be at a special occasion, like homecoming or prom.

Day 7: Got a lot of compliments! A little positive feedback never hurt anybody.

Reframing what it means to dress in a way that is soft and subtle has been a surprising difficulty of the process so far. It's easy to think, 'Oh, it's just clothes,' but matching your outside to your inside turns out to be a challenging thing to do. For many years, I used clothes as a force armor to protect my soft, gooey heart-center, and it can make feel very vulnerable without it. Overall I'm enjoying how I look. I feel really pretty and really comfortable (MAJOR for Type 2s), but I was not expecting dressing soft to require so much courage.

Have you ever changed your look and felt happy with it and insecure about it at the same time? Were you able to power through and come to a place of complete acceptance? Is complete, 24-7-365 acceptance of your appearance even possible?

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